Most bizarre doctor’s visit ever

So I had to go to the doctor’s to get a checkup and radiology thing. Apparently, the French can sleep better knowing I don’t have tuberculosis to spread around, so they test me after I’ve been in contact with school-kids for almost two months. Ha.

I had to wake up at wtf o’clock just to get to the appointment by 8:30 am. Blarg. Then I had to do all those awkward things you do at the doctor’s – you know, the ones you never understand and think you must not be doing right – in a foreign language.

First there was radiology. The nurse takes me into a small room and tells me to take everything off from the waist up. Everything. Then I have to walk into this cold, sterilized, white room with all these big machines. Then she tells me to stand against this huge window-thing and press my chest against it. As expected, the machine is hella cold. Then I have to breathe in…but not that way! I did it wrong. Try again. OK better, but not perfect. Last time…good! Now get dressed and wait for the doctor.

After waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and meeting all the other assistants who have their appointments on the same day, and waiting some more, I get to see the doctor. The first thing this doctor says to me is to take off my top and pants. Uhm. OK. Thank god I decided to wear an undershirt and full undies, that’s all I’m sayin’. He asks me about my vaccinations. I nod and say yes, I have had all of my vaccinations. He speaks a little English but is annoyed each time he has to use it. I’m acclimated to my nice smooth-voiced colleagues’ French. I’m sorry I don’t speak crotchety old man French. Geez.

He takes my blood sugar. Meh. I know I won’t be able to tell him I’m an easy fainter, even just finger pricks make me dizzy – luckily it didn’t turn out to be a problem this time.

Then he takes my height and weight, tests my vision, takes my blood pressure, checks my breathing. You know, the usual. All in my skivvies. And I just don’t understand why I couldn’t have my pants on. It’s what every single assistant said when they came back into the waiting room: “Why did I have to be in my underwear? I just don’t get it.” Can anyone explain it to me?

After waiting FOREVER to get back my X-Ray, I could finally leave. I rushed out of that clinic as fast as I could, and I hope I never have to go back. It gave me the wiggins, big time.