I came into work and remembered what has been irritating me lately. I am secretary to a Health Sciences Educator for Rutgers University so most of my time on the internet is spent looking up information on Obesity and Overweight (real sad when the focus is on children), Diabetes, High Blood Pressure and Cholesterol levels, Diet and Exercise, and anything else that has to do with nutrition or family health.
One might say, "Hey that's great. You get the inside scoop. You get to learn new ways to be healthy now."
Except that I have struggled with weight since I was eight years old. Maybe longer. News flash: I already know. I have known the (quite simple) ways to lose weight for a very long time. We all know that more calories out than in equals less weight on the body. But, as most people who have a hard time keeping weight off will probably feel familiar with, the extra pounds that I carry on my frame have little to do with science. And another thing that far trumps all the tips and tricks I know about losing weight: These extra pounds and I are stating to get along. I am learning to be OK with them.
Let me clarify. I am just learning to be OK with them. After years of hiding them behind hairstyles and clothing and accessories, I am beginning to accept these pounds. I'm starting to realize that I have quite a sexy hourglass figure, one that could probably kick some roller-derby ass if I wanted it to. Sure I'm starting to see that this body is one that men can be attracted to. More importantly, I'm becoming aware that it's a body I can love, and feel secure in, and be proud about.
So what has inspired this ranty blog? Two things.
First, it seems that every single health website that I visit uses the BMI calculator as an indicator for wellness. And that really frustrates me. In addition to this being a skewed measure for health, it also makes me feel shitty. Really, I'm borderline obese? OK. Oh, and I'm at a much greater risk for diabetes and high blood pressure and death? That's funny, because I heard that women in the overweight group had the lowest mortality rate. Oh my god, AHA,are you telling me that if I don't make changes now I'm going to die someday? Fuck. Let me give you a trophy for opening my eyes. Truth is, it doesn't matter. Because I am going skydiving next year. Because I hitchhiked in a foreign country. Because I drive on a highway everyday. Yeah, I could make some wiser decisions about exercise and diet. But fuck it. I like chocolate chip cookies, and eating them is not going to put my life in any more danger than the next decision I make.
I'm frustrated that (because of all the searching I have to do at work) my google and scrabulous sidebars are always filled with ads for ridiculous get-thin-quick schemes. I'm tired of looking at "Are you Fat -----> Take this Quiz" ad banners on the top of my monitor. And I am at the end of my rope with people like Lissaana, who comment insensitive and cruel things on the bottom of sincere, well-written posts.
I don't understand why weight and body image are always ALWAYS on my mind. And I am terrified to take all of these issues to France with me. I'm planning on leaving them here, buried in 1725's back yard. And I hope I never EVER have to dig them up.
But perhaps what I am most cranky about is that I have still not found my USB cord, and all I want to do is show you the pretty pictures that I took. In July.
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