Whelmed

Next week I'll be home.

Last week I felt like I wasn't ready. I don't think I realized how quickly the leaving part would sneak up on me.

This weekend I went to Jersey with Emilien and 40 people he works with. It was fun most of the time, but some of the time I felt like this huge awkward outsider imposter person. I don't feel much like going into it here on the interwebs, but it made me realize that, yeah, I'm a bit tired of being the foreigner. I'm excited to come home to my country, speak in my language with people who will understand my slang, cultural jokes, nostalgic references. And I'll get theirs.

This week I'm having goodbye dinners with my colleagues and my friends. It's such a strange, indescribable feeling that I have. All this month I've watched the lasts roll in. Last time I'll see Fabien, last concert in France, last book rental from the medi@theque, last Friday class, last vacances, last grocery shopping. Soon I'll have my last paycheck, last dinner with my friends, last hair wash under my two-minute long shower, last weekend in Paris, last look at French stars. What will the final footfall in France, just before I board the plane, feel like? What will happen in my stomach when I hear my final announcement in French, and this time understand every word?

And what will my life be like in a month? Will I still be able to watch French movies with no subtitles? Understand song lyrics? How long does it take to lose a language? Will I see my colleagues again someday? What if one day I call them on the phone and am not able to understand their French?

You can see I'm a ball of nerves and conflicting emotions. My solution? Take advantage of the last days of my contract. And hope that these lasts are only lasts for this period in my life. Someday I'll come back here and make all new firsts and lasts. There's no doubt in my mind.

Going to the aaaaaatlantic!

Yeah, that's right. To all my Jersey shore peeps out there, I'm going to send you a big fat wave from the other coast of our ocean. Saturday. If you live nearby and the weather's nice, I encourage you to go to the beach. I'll be at this beach, looking at this view (image here):



Technically, I'll be on the coast of the bay that empties (flows? runs? eff geography)into the Atlantic, but that's good enough for me. I mean, there are already something like 3900 kms separating me from the other coast; who am I to complain about the distance of a tiny bay too?

It's another two-week paid vacation and this time I'm not bored out of my mind. I've got a new friend with a motorcycle and a desire to show me cool things about France and French culture. My best friend here (who was away the last vacances) is staying in town and open to traveling with me (that's us in the photo on the beach at Trouville). And most importantly, I'm feeling the crunch. I know I've gotta see stuff, and I know I've gotta see it now. Because, though my heart tells me I'll be back to France many times, my brain and the economic crisis warns me that one is never sure, and that I need to seize the opportunity I have to see this country now, while the language is fresh and I've nothing else to do.

So, this weekend La Baule; next weekend...? I'm thinking Strasbourg or maybe Provence. I so would love to go there before I leave. The weekend after I'm going to Jersey! Dream fulfilled! The weekend after that I'll be in Paris. And the weekend after that...get ready...

Are you ready for this?

The weekend after that I'll be in New Jersey.

(I can't write anymore cause I'm too busy cleaning the pieces of my exploded head out of my keyboard.)

Fail

Well, I did decide to fail.

It's day four of the National Poetry Month poem-a-day challenge, and I've written exactly one so far. Last year I rocked it - thirty poems by the end of April - but this year I feel unmotivated. Also, my time in France is bittersweetly coming to an end, and I don't much feel like having a reminder of the time gone by every day. So I'm sitting this one out.

But you should go see what Rachel's been up to, cause it's awesome.

too tired for a real post

the chain letter said this comes from National Geographic's Best Photos of the Year, but the link I found has a whole different selection. Weird.

Something awesome happened

I checked out a book from the library. An anthology of the most beautiful french love poems. And I decided I didn't want to read it.

Why is that amazing?

I didn't give up because the language was too difficult. I didn't choose to read something in English or a little kids book instead. I simply didn't like what I was reading. I found it cliched. And do you know how? I could predict the lines that were coming next. Whoa. Not only was I able to read and comprehend the words, I was able to predict what French words were coming next. I'm able to recognize cliches in French now! Booyah!

In all seriousness though, this is a big moment. I've been reading in French for a while. Not fluently enough to tackle Le Monde, but substantial writing that hasn't been watered down for a foreigner. When I read the bilingual edition of Julien Green's The Language and Its Shadow I was able to read the English works in English and the French works in French, without using the translation as a clutch. I've been keeping a journal in French. I've even written (using very, very simple language) a poem in French.

I think I'll go to the beach this weekend with a much better anthology of contemporary French poetry to celebrate. If I don't profiter du soleil now, I'll never forgive myself.

PS - Not all the lines were horrible. I liked this one.

The most exciting thing that happened to me yesterday

I've just prepared my dinner (rice with black beans in a tomato onion sauce that will make you want to marry me) and am sitting down to eat. With a flick of my wrist, I knock over my American-sized cup of water - not one of those wimpy canteen glasses - all over the floor. It takes the entirety of my bath towel to sop up most of the fluid. I'm feeling pretty damn clumsy, and sad that no one is with me to make the Oh, Ashley remark. Also, I've been buying all of my water and feel that this is at least a sixty-five cent waste.

After I've hung my towel to dry, I sit down again to enjoy my meal. Within 45 seconds I've flipped my bowl upside down onto the floor and there is now splattered ricey beany sauce stretching almost to all four corners of my apartment. I ask myself what the hell my problem is. I have no answer. I do feel happy though, as I clean the resulting mess, that there's all that water on the floor to lift the stains.

Best Week Ever - London Edition

At long last, here are the highlights in slideshow format:

And some more highlights that aren't available in photo form:

-Conversations in French and in English with the students
-An awesome and hospitable host family
-Good times with colleagues
-Pubs
-The animatronic T-Rex at the Natural History Museum
-Reading Julien Green and learning that languages are hard for everyone, even people raise bilingually.

London Calling

So...I didn't want to blog it before 'cause I wasn't 100% sure it was gonna work out, but everything in in order now and I can finally tell you...

I'm going to London!

I'm chaperoning a group of advanced students on their school trip to London with other professors Philippe and Karen. We three profs will be staying together at one house, while groups of students will be staying with other families. During the days, I'll get to see all the touristy stuff that's designed for the kids' trip, and at nights I'll be partaking in the London nightlife. Maybe.

Many, many stories to come. But I don't think any of them are going to involve me receiving flowers from a London man, so I think Anita is gonna win. ;)

I guess this is kinda me, minus the last line.
more animals

Today is International Women's Day

If you want, you can go look at the official website.

I was more interested in looking at this one. After an attempt by about.com to name the top 100 women in history, and a spread in glamour magazine, Feministe invites its readers to submit the names of who would be on their lists. The user responses are great, and I'm finding out about a lot of incredible women by wiki-ing the names in the comments.

Who's on my list? My three favorite woman poets.

Lucille Clifton, Marie Howe, and Sharon Olds.

To celebrate women's day, I'm going to a free showing of a feminist film here in Lisieux. Then I'm going to continue my newest poetry project - working title Confessions from the fourth grade - cause it has a hell of a lot to do with the women who have had an effect on my life, whether they knew it or not.

UPDATE: The day actually falls on March 8th. My bad.

Happiness is

The time of year a coupla months after daylight savings time when suddeny it's light again at 7:30 in the morning. Guess sometimes a little darkness makes us glad to have light.

Reason Number 11

The Saturday Market.



Notice how healthy my food selection is. I'm keeping up my end of a pact not to eat any junk food. The first person who does has to do something so ridiculous and embarrassing that I can't even blog it. I think that says a lot.

First time for everything

including top ten lists

Top Ten Reasons I love being an English assistant in Lisieux
(in no particular order):

1.I feel like a celebrity – Everyone knows about America, and since I’m from so close to New York, I can use that as a reference point. The students love that, and constantly ask me if I know any celebrities. When I arrive at my schools, the kids are über excited to see me, especially at Michelet where I typically work but once a week. And when they see me on the street outside of school, it’s often like a celebrity sighting: “Oh mon dieu, est-ce que c’est Ashley? C’est Ashley! C’est Ashley!” they say in disbelief, and then when I talk to them they’re all flustered and don’t know how to act around me. It makes me feel super-cool. (Then I say things like super-cool and it resets the whole scale.)

2.The kids treat me with respect – I didn’t get that until Nathalie pointed it out to me, but they all call me vous as opposed to the familiar tu. I was worried the kids would think coming with me for a half hour would be a period to goof off and not study, but on the whole it’s the opposite.

3.The kids love me – and for a reason besides the sheer fact that I’m American. My role as assistant is to talk to them and to get them talking to me and each other. C’est tout. I don’t give them tests, and I don’t give them grades. Therefore, they have no reason to get mad at me every couple of weeks when exam time comes.

4.The English colleagues are awesome – they’re really my saving grace. I’d heard horror stories about how the French are uninviting not because they’re rude but because it takes a long time for them to consider someone their friend. So naturally, I was worried that I’d be hanging out with only the other English assistants. In fact, my time here has proved the opposite! The English assistant make their own plans for the vacations and weekends and usually, if it weren’t for my colleagues, I’d be doing things alone a whole lot of the time.

5.The non-English colleagues are almost as inviting – seriously. They talk to me, they come on excursions with us, they invite me to classes, they invite me on field trips. I’m so lucky.

6.It lets me live in France – Ain’t nothin wrong with that. I get to live in this great place with so much history it makes my head spin. And living here helps my French exponentially. I doubt many tourists have to open checking accounts, receive work instructions or apply for resident cards. All of that has its own specific language with plenty of new terms.

7.Instant Translations – Speaking of language, being an assistant is an awesome way to learn. Each time I say something to the kids that they get, they’re so excited to understand that they immediately translate it into French for the other students. Best way to learn.

8.I barely work – twelve hours a week, four vacations of about two weeks each. I have plenty of time to do all the things I wanted to do and never had the time for – I’m constantly reading classics, translating poetry, writing, collaging, painting. And, of course, traveling.

9.My region is awesome – I mean really. I’m not far from Paris or from the coast. I’ve got Caen, a lively university town, right next door. I’m within distance of Bretagne, which I adore, and Mont St. Michel. So hey, maybe Lisieux is not the best ville in the country, but I’ve got options pretty close by.

10.I don’t feel so far away from home – Much of the culture here is American culture. With the newest songs on the radio, popular Hollywood movies and TV series on the screen, and familiar products in the grocery store, I never feel removed from my culture. Celebrity gossip here is largely about Americans, so I’m never out of touch. It makes it easy to talk to the students about what I like and limits my homesickness to people and places, but not objects.

Best. Valentine. Ever.

It arrived yesterday, not because Tapan was late sending it, but because France decided I can't have mail while the nation is on vacay. Vacation is finally over, and I finally received this:



It says "I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow." Can I just clarify that I have been waiting for a good Valentine for incredibly long. In fact, I think the last one I got that was really creative was from Donna, my bestest amigo. In the guy department, nothing has ever been this good.

Also, he sent me his hat which I wore all day yesterday cause it smells like his shampooing.

Workin on it

I'm working on some entries, that is. Long, thought-out, lots-of-research-required entries. In the meantime, have fun with my favorite pun sites.


toothpastefordinner.com
from Toothpaste for Dinner


see more pwn and owned pictures
from Failblog


more lol celebs!
from lolcelebs

my heart; or, partially-eaten cookie

Disclaimer: This blog entry is emo and may sound like something a high-schooler would write. I’m not ashamed, but I won’t be offended if you just skip it.

This is me on Valentine’s Day. I’m feeling pretty lonely, which is why I bought the heart-shaped cookie. I thought maybe I’d split it in half and send the other side to Tapan. But the woman at the bakery told me it would stay edible for a max of 5 days. I thought about the first time I sent Donna a package, and the 30-day shipping time, and decided against it. I want to see him when I get home, preferably not in a hospital bed sick with food poisoning.







So I went home and ate some of my cookie after dinner. When I was finished, my cookie looked like this. I think it looks exactly how my heart feels right now. You know, my Valentine-shaped heart, not the blood-pumping organ. My metaphor heart is still a heart. It still looks like a heart. It still does all the important heart-stuff. But it feels a little shriveled. I think the creature I like to call “five months away from everyone I love” got kinda peckish and nibbled away at the edges.

Miss you guys at home. <3

and V-Day has arrived

It's my favorite holiday of the year. And I have finally, FINALLY, found the perfect Valentine. He's in New Jersey.

But, despite that fail, it's turning out to be a pretty good day. List of wins:

-I got a heart-melting international call when I first woke up.

-Failblog made me laugh uproariously:


-My new vendor friend at the Saturday market gave me all of my groceries (2 avocados, 5 clementines, 1/4 kilo of litchis, a head of lettuce, one carrot, one tomato and three kiwis) for two euros!

And last, but most important, Tapan sincerely adored my present:


Bon jour de St. Valentin, everyone!

Not looking forward to the next two weeks

On paper four two-week vacations look awesome. When you have nothing much to do and are trying to save your money for the pile of debt that is waiting for you at home, they're not all that appealing. I was bored out of my mind yesterday and today, and this vacation hasn't even officially started today. Thank god Tifenn and Murielle will be saving me with a tour of a cheese factory on Monday. After that, I don't know. You can probably expect a lot of entries. But I hope something better comes up. Wish me unexpensive travel opportunities.

In the meantime, here's something so cute you could die:


via, once again, Sociological Images, via New Scientist

You know, I will never understand why people can't just let other people be happy

The first e-mail I got today was from Rachel, telling me that "Ken Starr -- and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund -- filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and attempting to forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year." This alarms me, because I think if Prop 8 can pass, then tere is a chance that this ridiculousness can too.

Watch this:

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Then, if you have any humanity at all, go here and sign the letter to the supreme court.

Best Week(End) Ever, Paris Edition

As I told some people this weekend, I was traumatized after my first weekend in Paris. And I'm not just a sissy because my arms hurt from toting the luggage. Other things happen to young woman travelers who look lost and un-French. No one hurt me, but I was scared to go back underground alone. Instead, I waited for someone to invite me. Finally, Nathalie did and we had an awesome time!

Here's your video tour, as I'm feeling too lazy to write, too tired to post all the pics, and a little self-conscious of how long-winded I can get. Indulge in the highlights. Also, I'm really nul at history, and I won't be able to do these places justice with my meager knowledge. So if you're curious, follow the links to the Wiki entries, which have a lot more to say than I do.

First stop, of course, the Eiffel Tower:


Here we are at the second landing, after climbing 677 steps. It's as far as you can go without taking an elevator and paying some more money, which we all agreed wasn't worth it.


Here's a view of the Eiffel Tower from a little further away.


Here's a little diddy I like to call walking on the Champs-Élysées, or rather, a stop at a crosswalk on the Champs-Élysées. Toward the end I turn the camera and you can see L'arc de triomphe:


Listen closely to this one, Karen. Saturday night, we celebrated the Chandeleur, a French holiday of crepes. Did I mention how I love the holidays in this country? Here's me making a galette:


Sunday, on Rach's advice, we went to the Sacre-Coeur, which is absolutely magnificent. By the way, it's the highest point in the city. We climbed a huge hill and then another 235 steps to get to the top.


After seeing what we needed to see, we took a walk around Montmartre, stopping for a bite to eat and searching for the cafe in which Amelie was filmed. Sadly, we didn't find it. But here's what the area of Montmartre around the Sacre Coeur looks like:


Here's the obligatory nutella shot, from a creperie on the hill:


And because I'm too much of a ham not to post it:


Let me conclude this blog by telling you my calves have just recently started to heal. If you add the steps of the Eiffel Tower and the Sacre Coeur, they make 912. I'm pretty sure the metro and other random steps throughout the day put me over 1,000. Add to that the steep uphill huff to Montmartre, and the general walking for much of two days, and I'm pretty damn impressed with myself. I've also officially stopped eating meat and seriously increased my fruit and veggie intake. I think my health has never been better, mental and physical. :)

Translating poetry is hard

Really, really hard. New translation up at Lines that Rock. I knew that when I started. But I also thought when I started that 4 months in I'd be fluent. Which is so not the case. The problem is nuance. I mean, Prevert writes with pretty basic language, but how do I know if he means here or there, when the same word is so often used for both? Just because the word derisory exists in English, is that the word he would have used? After I translated ths latest poem I thought I wouldn't even post it. I mean, what if Jacques doesn't approve?

But hey, you all know I'm an amateur, and a beginner at French. And if you have a major problem with my translation, you can correct me!

Sorry, I'm feeling insecure today. I'll put up a better post after the upcoming Best Weekend Ever.